The Negative Internal Working Model (NIWM), can manifest itself in seemingly opposing ways. Some children revert to "I am bad, I am stupid, I am a failure, etc." Other children will project themselves as being better, bigger, smarter, more successful than everyone else.
Chemicals in the brain play a large role in children running towards risky behaviors. When a child's baseline is hyper vigilance, constantly surveying for dangers, listening to everything around, a time of peace and calm is uncomfortable. Like a drug addict, they will create chaos in order to flood their systems with stress chemicals to return to their baseline.
Talking about and incorporating parts in the way that you think is the most powerful healing intervention parents have.
When we cannot tolerate fear or sadness, we turn it into anger. Recognizing fear underneath anger requires courage to look at our own weaknesses as adults. Being able to recognize the fear underneath children's anger allows us to react with empathy rather than more fear/anger.
Homework:
1. Recognize the fear or sadness underneath your own anger. Talk about it out loud in front of your struggling child.
2. Point out the fear or sadness underneath anger that you see in others. (Found easily in movies, cartoons, storybooks, random people in stores or restaurants.)
Chemicals in the brain play a large role in children running towards risky behaviors. When a child's baseline is hyper vigilance, constantly surveying for dangers, listening to everything around, a time of peace and calm is uncomfortable. Like a drug addict, they will create chaos in order to flood their systems with stress chemicals to return to their baseline.
Talking about and incorporating parts in the way that you think is the most powerful healing intervention parents have.
When we cannot tolerate fear or sadness, we turn it into anger. Recognizing fear underneath anger requires courage to look at our own weaknesses as adults. Being able to recognize the fear underneath children's anger allows us to react with empathy rather than more fear/anger.
Homework:
1. Recognize the fear or sadness underneath your own anger. Talk about it out loud in front of your struggling child.
2. Point out the fear or sadness underneath anger that you see in others. (Found easily in movies, cartoons, storybooks, random people in stores or restaurants.)