Using the contrasting stories of the two babies to detail the damage that is done to the limbic brain during the first three years of life due to traumatic events, Jeff reminded us of the paradigm shift that must take place in our minds as parents: We do not struggle with bad kids, but rather with good kids that have a hurt part.
Kids with early trauma histories instinctively know three things: I am bad, my primary caregiver is bad, and the world is a dangerous place. In order to create the capacity for our kids to experientially know anything different, we must start referring to parts within ourselves. Teaching children that there are inner struggles, likes and dislikes, and opposing characteristics within each person helps them to disintegrate their rigid and inflexible thinking about themselves, others, and the world.
Homework
Week 1: Talk about parts of yourself at least 3 times each day. "Part of me wants to stay in bed this morning."
Week 2: Do week 1 work AND talk about parts of yourself including emotions: "Part of me is scared that I will be late for work today."
Week 3: Do week 1 & 2 work AND talk about conflicting parts of yourself. "Part of me is happy that I am going to start exercising today, but another part of me is scared that I'm going to be really sore."
Kids with early trauma histories instinctively know three things: I am bad, my primary caregiver is bad, and the world is a dangerous place. In order to create the capacity for our kids to experientially know anything different, we must start referring to parts within ourselves. Teaching children that there are inner struggles, likes and dislikes, and opposing characteristics within each person helps them to disintegrate their rigid and inflexible thinking about themselves, others, and the world.
Homework
Week 1: Talk about parts of yourself at least 3 times each day. "Part of me wants to stay in bed this morning."
Week 2: Do week 1 work AND talk about parts of yourself including emotions: "Part of me is scared that I will be late for work today."
Week 3: Do week 1 & 2 work AND talk about conflicting parts of yourself. "Part of me is happy that I am going to start exercising today, but another part of me is scared that I'm going to be really sore."